


Happy Birthday, Hoshi!

by Stormyevenings



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, chat fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 05:58:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15164156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormyevenings/pseuds/Stormyevenings
Summary: Bakamatsu: Okay, now who has an idea on how they can help?small dicktator: MEEE! ME! ME!and read her bible: not yousmall dicktator: smoogi why （；＿；）I want a church girl to go to church: Atua says that Kokichi will just mess everything up and upset poor Ryoma!hermione gayger: plus he's uselessgaykido: Yeah! Useless degenerate!!!small dicktator: .small dicktator: MOM HELP THE LESBIANS ARE ATTACKING ME





	Happy Birthday, Hoshi!

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 1 am and I was too self conscious to post it before. Enjoy

**Miu Iruma added 14 others to the chat**

**Miu Iruma changed her name to knife iroomba**

**knife irumba:** alright listen up virgins

 **Kirumi Toujou:** Miu, I love and appreciate you, but why was this chat made?

 **Kaede Akamatsu:** Yeah!! What Kirumi said! We already have a group chat with our class!

 **Rantaro Amami:** more like a hell chat

 **Himiko Yumeno:** shut up you humanized oscar the grouch i want to listen to what she says

 **knife iroomba** : fuck off avacunto and lolitits now is not the time for roasts

 **knife iroomba:** I can't believe I just said that but this gorgeous girl genius has an announcement

 **Tenko Chabashira:** Hey!!! Don't call Himiko a loli!! She's beautiful and so are her breasts!!

 **Kaito Momota:** holy shit that was the gayest thing ever

 **Kokichi Ouma:** c’mon Kaito-chaaaaaaan! That's nothing compared to me and my beloved Saihara-chaaaaaan!!! ＼(^o^)／

 **Tsumugi Shirogane:** don't ever use a kaomoji ever again you are NOT WORTHY

 **Tsumugi Shirogane:** you must win the right to use them just like how Mario has to prove his bravery to rescue Princess Peach!!

 **Korekiyo Shinguuji:** Stop her before she goes on a rant.

 **Tsumugi Shirogane:** hey does anybody wonder about the fact that he has six curves in his mustache and Princess Peach has six eyelashes???

 **Tsumugi Shirogane:** and how Luigi has two and Daisy has two eyelashes???

 **Tsumugi Shirogane:** and they say romance is dead

 **Tenko Chabashira** : Romance isn't dead!!! Right Himiko and Kaede???

 **Himiko Yumeno:** Nyeh...I guess

 **Kaede Akamatsu:** Yeah! Romance isn't dead! I love Miu very much and I think we should listen to her!!

 **knife iroomba:** sjsjajejejwksi kkaede whhy musta you ddoo rhsisi in puuublics

 **Kaito Momota:** oh my god she's fucking crytyping

 **Rantaro Amami:** press f to pay respects

 **Kaede Akamatsu:** f

 **Toujou Kirumi:** f

 **Kaito Momota:** f

 **Angie Yonaga:** atua says f!

 **Gonta Gokkuhara:** F????

 **Himiko Yumeno:** I see Miu in the dining hall and she's literally choking

 **Himiko Yumeno:** you guys broke her

 **Kokichi Ouma:** this is so sad

 **Kokichi Ouma:** KIIBO PLAY DESPACITO

 **Kiibo** : Huh? What's that? I know Iruma-san mentions it often but I have never thought to look into it?

 **Kaito Momota:** HAHAHAHAHHA OH MY GOD

 **Tenko Chabashira:** jsjsnskwlskdjdjw

 **Tenko Chabashira:** or as the straights would put it, HAHAHA lmao

 **Kaede Akamastu:** djjsjsjsjsjsj TENKO

 **Himiko Yumeno:** that's why we’re dating

 **Rantaro Amami:** DES

 **Kaito Momota:** PA

 **Maki Harukawa:** If you finish that word I will tie the both of you together and make the both of you slowly bleed out.

 **Kaede Akamatsu:** HOLY SHIT SHHSHSJSS

 **Shuichi Saihara:** MAKI PLEASE DON’T

 **Kaito Momota:** Maki Roll...I thought you loved me….

 **Tsumugi Shirogane:** Number 9 of top ten anime betrayals

 **Kokichi Ouma:** after recovering from TSUMUGI BREAKING MY HEART I decided that we need to change names while Iruma is still dead

**Rantaro Amami changed Kokichi Ouma’s name to small dicktator**

**Rantaro Amami changed his name to Steamed Avocado**

**Steamed Avocado:** change it and I'll sick Tenko on you

 **Tenko Chabashira:** As if Tenko would do a favor for a male!!! Though beating up Ouma would be a nice way to start the day….

**Tenko Chabashira changed her name to gaykido**

**Tenko Chabashira changed Himiko Yumeno’s name to hermione gayger**

**hermione gayger:** it's perfect nyeh

 **gaykido:** !!!!  <3

**Kaede Akamatsu changed her name to Bakamatsu**

**Bakamatsu:** only for Miu  <3

**Bakamatsu changed Kirumi Toujou’s name to Mother Dearest**

**Bakamatsu changed Angie Yonaga’s name to I want a church girl to go to church**

**Bakamatsu changed Tsumugi Shirogane’s name to and read her bible**

**and read her bible:** aw babe we’re matching this is cuter than NaLu  <333

 **I want a church girl to go to church:** Atua approves of this name and gave Angie inspiration for more

**I want a church girl to go to church changed Gonta Gokkuhara’s name to A Bug’s Life**

**I want a church girl to go to church changed Kiibo’s name to Best Robot**

**I want a church girl to go to church changed Korekiyo Shinguuji’s name to stickbug**

**I want a church girl to go to church:** divine nyahahahaha  >:3

 **small dicktator:** terrible

 **small dicktator:** whatever it's fine this isn't our main group chat

 **small dictator:** i will save all you peasants and take care of the rest （＾_＾）

 **and read her bible:** STOP WITH THE KAOMOJISSSSSSS

 **small dictator changed Maki Harukawa’s name to stabbing kink**  
  
**stabbing kink:** do you want to die?

**small dictator changed Kaito Momota’s name to has a thing for Lola Bunny**

**has a thing for Lola Bunny:** STOP FOR THE LAST TIME I H A T E SPACE JAM

**small dictator changed Shuichi Saihara’s name to ripoff sherlock**

**small dictator:** AND DONE (￣▽￣)

 **stickbug:** I must ask, why me?

 **gaykido:** because you existed

 **Bakamatsu:** OHHHHH

 **has a thing for Lola Bunny:** TENKO DEALING THOSE BURNS

 **gaykido:** shut up degenerate

 **hermione gayger:** kiyo is creepy he deserved it

 **Mother Dearest:** I have calmed down Iruma and have given her tea and cookies. I believe she is fine now.

 **A Bug’s Life:** Gonta must ask, where is Ryoma?

 **knife iroomba:** THAT’S WHAT I WAS GETTING TO MOTHERFUCKERS

 **Mother Dearest:** Language, Iruma.

 **knife iroomba:** FUCK YOU MOM I’M AN ADULT

 **knife iroomba:** so while I was jacking it last night after Kiibo’s maintenance

 **knife iroomba:** I remembered that tomorrow is short stuff’s birthday

 **knife iroomba:** hey do you think his penis matches his size? fucker’s willy has got to be one inch long

 **knife iroomba:** I'm getting wet just thinking about it mmmmmmnnnnnnnnnn

 **Bakamatsu:** Miu please!!! We talked about this

 **knife iroomba:** sorry babe I love you

 **Bakamatsu:** I love you too! Please get back on track

 **has a thing for Lola Bunny:** wait it's hoshi’s birthday?? Holy shit

 **Ripoff Sherlock:** I thought everybody knew this.

 **gaykido:** oh shit he's one of the better degenerates how did tenko’s not know this

 **Steamed Avocado:** Holy shit I didn't know

 **A Bug’s Life:** Gonta think Hoshi only told a few people because he no like celebrating birthday

 **A Bug’s Life:** We did look for bug's together to celebrate earlier! Gonta had much fun

 **Mother Dearest:** I knew.

 **stickbug:** Even I didn't know. How rare.

 **gaykido:** please stop speaking forever and ever

 **stickbug:** Fair enough.

 **knife iroomba:** HEY DON’T IGNORE ME VIRGINS

 **knife iroomba:** so I owe short stuff a favor for SECRET STUFF that you must be on level twenty friendship to unlock

 **knife iroomba:** so I decided to grace his life with my gorgeous golden ideas and throw him a party

 **knife iroomba:** so help me or I'll scar your minds with the image of Kaito’s penis

 **has a thing for Lola Bunny:** WAIT WHAT

 **knife iroomba:** it's terrible even MINE is better

 **stabbing kink:** she's right for once

 **Bakamatsu:** sjjsjdkskdkdks GET HIM BABE

 **Bakamatsu:** also that is a good idea Miu!! I'm so happy that you are coming out of your shell and getting along with everybody! You're the best!!!

 **knife iroomba:** KksksndndjJWJSJSJSJJDJFJSKDKDKSMAKKS

 **gaykido:** let me translate that to heterosexual for space degenerate

 **gaykido:** she's dying of embarrassment

 **knife iroomba:** kkaede I llovee u smmsmsmm cabb you oragnzus the party I'm gonanan go diirie

 **knife iroomba:** kkkiiiboooooo I needsdddss youuuuuuuu ;-;

 **Best Robot:** I am on my way, Iruma-san!

 **Bakamatsu:** Okay! Let's all get together to make this happen! I am sure everybody can find their own gifts but I will put Kiibo and Miu in charge of finding something extra special! Maybe they can make Hoshi a special machine or something!!

 **Bakamatsu:** Okay, now who has an idea on how they can help?

 **small dicktator:** MEEE! ME! ME!

 **and read her bible:** not you

 **small dicktator:** smoogi why （；＿；）

 **I want a church girl to go to church:** Atua says that Kokichi will just mess everything up and upset poor Ryoma!

 **hermione gayger:** plus he's useless

 **gaykido:** Yeah! Useless degenerate!!!

 **small dicktator:** .

 **small dicktator:** MOM HELP THE LESBIANS ARE ATTACKING ME

 **small dictator:** I can see my LIFE FLASHING BEFORE MY EYES ( ；´Д｀)

 **Mother Dearest:** Kokichi can help me with preparing food. Would anybody else like to help?

 **Steamed Avocado:** I mean I guess if we can also make guac

 **has a thing for Lola Bunny:** what is up with you and avocados it's freaky

 **I want a church girl to go to church:** avocados are great fuck you

 **has a thing for Lola Bunny:** djejsjjddnns ANGIE WHY

 **hermione gayger:** rekt

 **hermione gayger:** i can use my magic to help make decorations with Tenko and Angie...I guess

 **I want a church girl to go to church:** Angie wants Tsumugi there too! Atua thinks that is a marvelous idea

 **and read her bible:** we should make it cat themed! Or Garfield themed because he's a cat and it is a forgotten piece of art about love between two different species

 **gaykido:** tsu please let's focus on our task! That is an amazing idea Himiko!!!

 **Bakamatsu:** Oh thank god this is actually working

 

 **has a thing for Lola Bunny:** Maki Roll and I can clean the gym

 **has a thing for Lola Bunny:** i can handle anything! This will be a piece of cake for the luminary of the stars!

 **knife iroomba:** Bbbyt you couskbtnr handle not jjacking off tooo spacewc jammm fucking cvvirgin

 **has a thing for Lola Bunny:** I came here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now

 **Ripoff Sherlock:** forever a mood

 **small dicktator:** awwww don't be so emo my beloved Saihara-chaaaaaaan! You can make food with us!

 **Ripoff Sherlock** : a

 **Ripoff Sherlock:** okay???

 **Bakamatsu:** so that leaves only a few of us without a job

 **Bakamatsu:** Gonta you sweet cinnamon roll

 **Bakamatsu:** Can you keep Hoshi busy while we set up?? Pleeeaaase???

 **A Bug’s Life:** Okay Kaede-san! Gonta will go talk to Hoshi until later

 **Bakamatsu:** Does that just leave Kiyo? Damn I can't think of a job sorry

 **gaykido:** Just tell him to stay away and not be creepy during the party!!!

 **Bakamatsu:** GOOD IDEA!

 **stickbug:** Ah.

 **knife iroomba:** the lesbians claim another life

 **knife iroomba:** nobody is safe everybody get to your fallout shelters and spend your last minutes jerking it with your left hand

 **Bakamatsu:** I'm going to go help Miu! Let's all get to our tasks!

* * *

 

**knife iroomba has cleared the chat history**

**knife iroomba has added Hoshi Ryoma**

**knife iroomba has changed Hoshi Ryoma’s name to yare yare da ze**

**knife iroomba:** HEY VIRGIN! I need you and Gonta in the gym stat

 **knife iroomba:** Kaede is going bonkers over some stupid shit and you can calm her down

 **knife iroomba:** and if you don't come I'll rig your beds up with an alarm clock that rings every ten seconds leaving you wide awake for the rest of your miserable lives! Hah!

 **A Bug’s Life:** Oh no! Gonta will come right away

 **yare yare da ze:** why is it always me

 **yare yare da ze:** holy shit what is this

 

* * *

 

 **Bakamatsu:** That was a great party everyone!!

 **Bakamatsu:** Kirumi, the cake was delicious? Can you make that for my birthday?

 **Mother Dearest:** Of course, Kaede. Anything for you.

 **Steamed Avocado:** but Kaede

 **Steamed Avocado:** what about the guac

 **Bakamatsu:** uhhhhhhhh

 **Steamed Avocado:** KAEDE THE GUAC

 **I want a church girl to go to church:** Angie thinks the guacamole was simply divine! :3

 **Kiibo:** I wish I could have joined you in tasting Toujou’s fine cooking. I am sure it was amazing!

 **knife iroomba:** .

 **knife iroomba:** meet me in an hour kiibs,,,,

 **Kiibo:** One fear.

 **stickbug:** I must admit that it was interesting observing you all have fun. I will definitely not skip out on the next party.

 **gaykido:** Kiyo is that a SIGN OF A STALKER???? TENKO IS CALLING THE POLICE!!!

 **hermione gayger:** 911 what's your emergency

 **stickbug:** Oh.

 **has a thing for Lola Bunny:** HAHAHAHAHA.

 **and read her bible:** Top ten anime deaths

 **has a thing for Lola Bunny:** but seriously that was fun I think even Maki Roll had a great time

 **stabbing kink:** I suppose.

 **small dicktator:** THE WORST PART IS THAT I NEVER GOT A KISS FROM SAIHARA BY THE PUNCH BOWL T-T

 **small dicktator:** I AM GOING TO GO CRY FOREVER

 **Ripoff Sherlock:** Oh. He left.

 **Ripoff Sherlock:** okay???

 **knife iroomba:** serves the abortion right lmao

 **A Bug’s Life:** Party was very fun! Gonta hope Hoshi had good time?

 **A Bug’s Life:** Hoshi?

 **yare yare da ze:** …

 **yare yare da ze:** thank you guys

 **yare yare da ze:** like seriously

 **yare yare da ze:** You guys are one of the best things that have ever happened to me

 **yare yare da ze:** You give me love and friendship even though I do not deserve it

 **yare yare da ze:** Nobody has ever done anything like this for me before. So thanks for once, I guess

 **knife iroomba:** Holy shit it just got deep

 **yare yare da ze:** immediately regretted

 **knife iroomba:** hehehekekeke hhosi don't bebeb su hhh a cunntnt I did this for uuuuu ;-;

 **Bakamatsu:** BAAAAAWWWW YOU’RE WELCOME HOSHI WE LOVE YOU

 **gaykido:** *mostly tolerate but whatever happy birthday almost okay degenerate

 **A Bug’s Life:** Gonta hope Hoshi’s birthday continues to be happy and are always happy! Because Gonta love Hoshi!

 **yare yare da ze:** …

 **yare yare da ze:** Love you too, big guy.

 **knife iroomba:** fucking gays strike again

 **yare yare da ze:** choke yourself

 


End file.
